The Deathly Hallows: Amazon Reviews
by CrazyDyslexicNerd
Summary: Not reviews of the book, but of the Hallows themselves by characters in the story. First a few of the owners of the Elder Wand critique it in the style of review.


**AN: I saw a story similar to this about the One Ring by Gigigue, and I thought it a very interesting idea. There will be two other chapters, one for each Hallow. Also, Antioch Peverell lived before standardised spelling, so he writes oddly, and yes, Amazon reaches beyond the grave, Death has an iPhone after all.**

**Disclaimer: Don't own HP or Amazon, obviously.**

The Deathly Hallows: Amazon Reviews

Chapter 1: The Elder Wand

2 out of 7 people found this helpful

Four out of Five Stars **Great in a Fight, but Otherwise…** circa. 1291 CE

By Antioch Peverell

Many of the lower wizards beleeve I obtaned this wande from Deathe himself, and I shal not spoile this leginde for I beleeve it ads tu the mistiqe of the artefacte. The wande is most efektive in an honourable duell, but aginst the maraders and law-lus men of the wurlde, it means litl as even the greatest of warlocks must slepe. If thou desids 'tis worthee the perrel of cut-throats, do not brag of thy un-beatabl wande. I wuld not sugest purchaiss, it wille most likilee ende in Deathe.

9 out of 10 people found this helpful

Five out Five Stars **Amazing Wand, Wish I could have Studied it Longer** 14 August, 1900

By Gregorivitch

This wand was most interesting, it had certain elements to it that no other wand does. I was not able to discover exactly what these elements are, other than it is not simply that it is made of the elder tree. It is a most amazing wand, much stronger in its channeling of magic than any other wand I have seen. It does not grant more power, but channels the power more efficiently than any wand I have encountered. It does not enhance the power of a witch or wizard, but allows them to reach their full potential. The great things that could be achieved by a wand of this caliber know no bounds, 'though it does have a certain… predisposition towards the Dark Arts and the more violent spells. In the hands of a powerful dark wizard, the wand can indeed do great harm, as seen throughout history, but it is not the wand that does the evil, it is the wizard. The wand simply gravitates towards the wizard who can channel the most magic through it.

3 out of 3 people found this helpful

One out of Five Stars **Not at All as Advertised, and not Worth It **31 December, 1970

By Gellert Grindlewald

I first heard of a 'Wand of Elder' as a young child from _The Tale of Three Brothers_. When I was older, about thirteen, I began to wonder how these tales came about, as all ancient stories and legends have a grain of truth. I searched the library of Durmstrang, and came across references to such objects as the three Hallows, as they are called, in connection with the Peverell brothers. After that the Elder Wand became easy to trace. I created a scheme to become Master of the wand, and the other Hallows, with Albus Dumbledore, and take over the world 'for the greater good'. Albus saw our plans for the folly they were, but I pursued them. I stole the Elder Wand from its last owner, I can only be glad now I did not kill the man, one less atrocity on my conscious. Now I live with the horrible things I did with that wand, which is not unbeatable anyway. The wand did not force my hand, I take full responsibility for the war I caused and for the people I killed, but the wand is a temptation and a power. As the muggles have their atomic weapons that can destroy the world, I had a wand that could allow me more power than any mortal should have, it is only by the great fortune that Albus is the better dueller and the better man that I did not take over all of Europe. The wand is not worth the danger it presents in the wrong hands.

3 out of 5 people found this helpful

One out of Five Stars **The Meanest of the Hallows, Too Powerful **1 January, 1971

By Albus Dumbledore

This item should never have been made. It has great power, but power that should not be in the hands of one as fallible as a human. I pray that when I die, its power shall die with me. It inspires greed like few other objects, and can only be used for selfish purposes. The other Hallows can be made out to be less selfish, but the wand is followed by death as if that was really its creator. Do not buy this product, it can only cause suffering and death.

0 out of 8 people found this helpful

Three out of Five Stars **I am FINALLY Its Master! ** 2 May, 1998

By Lord Voldemort

FINALLY IT IS MINE! Much too complicated to become its Master. I ordered its last Master's death, and took it from his DEAD BODY! BUT NO, _I'm _not its Master, _Snape _is. He was FOLLOWING MY ORDERS! I don't have many semi-competent Death Eaters, and now I've had to kill one of them just to gain Mastery of this STUPID WAND SO I CAN KILL THE SEVEN TIMES CURSED POTTER BOY! NOW I WILL FINISH WHAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN DONE SIXTEEN YEARS AGO! (The writer of this review has gone to laugh maniacally).

17 out of 20 people found this helpful

Two out of Five Stars **I Destroyed It Today. **2 May, 1998

By Harry Potter

I got it by disarming Malfoy, and that saved my life. It's very powerful, and could do a great many good things, but it favors the darker ones. It fixed my wand, which I am quite happy with, and it won't cause any more damage. I've snapped it in half, and thrown it off a bridge, unless you're reading the book, in which case I'm putting it back in Dumbledore's tomb, which seems rather inefficient as if anyone manages to disarm me it would become theirs. Whichever way you prefer 'though.

All other owners were too busy killing each other or being killed to review.


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